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A girl who is volunteering her time working with kids shows several things. She is probably not worried about being in the limelight, she loves to serve and she enjoys kids.

Volunteer with the community outreach minister at the homeless shelter, senior center or hospital. Be friendly but not obnoxious when you meet a girl you are interested in.

This shows that you want to get to know her but that you will not try to smother her. Seek counsel to see if the girl is a good choice for you.

Don't be afraid to ask people you trust their opinions. By: Elizabeth Lisa Thompson. You, my sister, seem to be over-spiritualizing life in the 21st century.

In no way does it guarantee a loving, respectful, submissive, Christian wife who wants to please God by honoring me as her husband.

Those are two totally different things. By your logic, God wants all people to be well fed, and so living in his will automatically means that we will never go hungry.

How well is that logic working for some of the poorer Christians in poor parts of Africa or Afghanistan?

Or even poor parts of the US? This is the problem with Western Theology: it assumes that God will always give you whatever you want if you just pray long and hard enough.

We never consider that God would bless their marriage selections because God believes in the union and covenant of godly marriages no matter which wives they chose.

Being holy without also being a good-looking, charismatic, top-status man is absolutely useless for finding a wife.

Been there and done that. So have many other godly men who followed advice like yours. Reply to Justin Campbell, regarding some of your comments to the lady on this thread who is saying church is a place of prayer, not a dating site, etc.

I am pretty much on your side in this debate, but I do want to add — as someone who was a devout Christian for many years, wanted to be married, am still single past age 45 — neither strategy guarantees marriage.

Trying did not work — stepping out in faith and putting action to faith did not work, either. There are a lot of Christian singles who wanted to be married but it did not happen for them — God is not providing for them, regardless if the person is passive sat around and prayed or active about trying to get married tried going to singles functions at churches or tried dating sites.

Reply to Ms. But I will share one or two. Which means, a lot of single adults will end up possibly going to seedy, immoral bars and night clubs.

And from there, they might possibly be enticed into getting drunk and engaging in one night stands. If you believe that Christians should marry only other Christians, does it not make more sense that you as a Christian facilitate Christian-on-Christian marriages?

Do you want to risk a Christian going out and looking for love at a local bar and end up getting married to an atheist? If you want more Christian marriages, I am always reading about Christians having conniption fits because Christian marriage rates are down , would it not make more sense for your church to help Christian singles get married to Christian singles?

I appreciate you being bold enough to say it. Thanks Shannon. For sure we all need to be called out, and we all need to be shown grace.

All of us. Your approach seems good to me. The big thing is to actually meet the girl. To me you want to be confident and be yourself and meet them.

Then maybe the second or third time you might ask for some contact info — if it seems right. At the very least it helps to have people in your life that you trust that know what you are doing and can speak into it.

That helps with all things, including dating. One thing I do want to add in here and get to the root of the discussion that Ms.

Sahiyena posted. She wrote the following…. Which is true. However we as believers need to remember that the church is us, the body of believers worshipping Christ.

We also go to fellowship with like minded believers. We go for the corporate worship but to fellowship, have accountability with, and enjoy wonderful friendships with brothers and sisters in Christ.

Essentially what happens in the church is an example of what will happen in heaven! Anyway, if someone is going to church most likely a non believer or young babe in Christ in order TO pickup a lady, then that is the wrong.

Because their heart is in the wrong place, which has happened to all of us in different ways at some points in our walk.

Obviously no mature believer is going to hit on a lady during worship service, Sunday school class, bible study, etc. If a guy did, that gal should get red flags and run far far away!

Getting to know a lady who loves the Lord where both individuals are amongst other married believers in fact is a very God honoring way to meet and marry.

Doing so within the body of believers that make up the church allows for accountability between a man and woman. It also allows for biblical guidance and counsel from other married believers who can help guide these two young individuals to a solid Christ centered marriage where God sanctifies them both through that marriage.

Sahiyena — I may be mistaken from your post, but when I read it, it came across as believers are only to show up to church for prayer and worship singing hymns, reading of scripture and then go home.

Sometimes she would sit next to me in church. Small talk after church. We both came through a very dark, and sad period in our lives …..

In a bigger church I am sure it is hard enough, but most Americans who attend church go to ones under people. Like me.

What was I to do? I had to surrender further to Christ and finally accept that I was going to be a lifelong bachelor. I did it before I would get so bitter and jaded IN church or regretful of a decision to follow Christ, which I could not the devil win on.

Christ wants a joyful servant. I have to say, since I made this choice in June. Life has been easier and I have been feeling a lot better.

A lot of this problem today Justin honestly is that our pastors, many lay leaders, deacons or what-have-you are in uncharted waters themselves.

My Officer has been married since You have a VERY large segment of the never married, the single-mom, and divorced now strolling in, expecting answers….

The singles in church today are going have to a a lot of the footwork themselves. They are just going to have to do it.

They are going have trust and obey and really soak in the Word. They are going to have to fellowship in some way and they are going to have to hold themselves accountable.

Great post. Of course I could go to the store and buy some groceries and cook some food, but where is my exercising faith and proving God in that. However, keep in mind that society has changed quite substantially, but this teaching has not.

In my case I am generally well received by women until the money thing hits—5 of my 6 relationships have ended because of that—and in 1 of those cases was making enough to support a family I still had a job, but it basically just paid my bills , and another girl was making six figures, but dumped me for another guy making six figures and had a house.

He never paid me back. My sister also had a long time, live in, boyfriend who she financially supported for over two decades. He seldom had jobs, and when he got them, they were very low paying ones.

I just want you to be aware that the financial thing is not always difficult on men, women have problems in this area as well.

I just did a blog post the other day about this crime story I read about in the news that happened several years ago — a divorced women, age late 50s, was well-off financially.

She worked as some kind of therapist or what not, had her own practice, owned a nice house. She dated a man she met on a dating site. She allowed him to move in with her.

He proposed marriage, she said yes, but asked him to sign a pre nup. That made him so angry, he murdered her. One of the reasons I would say is that there are people in the church that meddles in affairs lives of others that they have no business with.

IF we are supposed to date other Christians, then why are the members of set church being so overbearing about young singles? Pingback: On backaches, singlehood, and faith.

Thinking Outside the Funnel. Shawn is dead on!!! One married couple who did a lot of this took pride in setting up relationships while their own marriage was breaking up!!!

They denied this, but it was well known throughout the church. Sadly, this is a fairly common occurrence. I met this guy in church.

I went outside there was the guy I saw in ma dream. I thought oh my God is this a sign. He dropped ma friends 1st then lastly me.

He asked for ma name I told him. He called me back he asked for ma number and asked if he could see me later I told him of course. I saw him come in …He sat infront of me.

He was also dancing but way different than his usual dance. In my opinion, there are many men out there as wolves but in sheep clothing.

They appears as though they are the right sort of guy only ending up to take something so dear from you and walk away.

More needs to be done to discern this kind of men. Not that this particular guy is one but it seems to me that he might be.

If you require closure from him, you might want to have a word to clear things. But be sure that you are moving on.

One important word in the bible in proverbs in such cases is that you should always guard your heart closely.

Not saying you should become mean spirited to other men because you are safeguarding yourself, I am saying with more discernment, accountability and discipline, better decisions and judgement calls will be made in the future.

Thank you Kyle. Spot on. You took the words right out of my mouth. I can SO relate to several aspects of your post. I guess she was more cultural than spiritual in the sense of going with what her culture taught her rather than the Bible in a way.

Then after I left the sermon, I felt worse or no different than I was before going in. And some people would wonder why I had such a stone cold facial expression.

Think about it, people. Pastors and other Christians online tell people to go to church anyhow and be a team player — that we all have hardships.

Team player huh? They say church is a hospital? What kind of hospital is that, a place where you get abused by the other patients?

A hospital where you either feel the same or worse than you were before going in? Not very legit if such is the case. Pastors, get off of your butts and DO something about it instead of filing your nails, putting your feet up and asking for out tithes.

I have ben a strong believer in Christ since It is true that going to Church just to find a cute girl to date is not a Godly idea for attending Church.

However, in Church, you have definitely a much higher likelihood of finding a Godly woman than any other place, like a college or a university.

And it is a good idea to look for a Godly woman in Church because the Scripture tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers and that Church is a community of believers coming together.

For these reasons, I think Church is the best place to find a Godly girlfriend or wife. I have been blacklisted in 2 churches…still the search continues…hahaha.

It is hard especially when people know you are in church looking for a wife,. Needless to say I no longer attend and serve there.

I just think all church women are fake. Hint I was seeking to find a wife not a booty call, or a screw buddy which is what all the women at my church was looking for.

I always interacted with these women in a safe public place and never tried to take any of them to my home or go to theirs. I was always very respectable and even with that my Pastor was told by a few of them that I was in so many words starker them even thought we were only going to local parks walking and I was always very respectable.

Church women are a mess. The are danger to a good Godly man or any man that looking to grow in God. Many of them are only hiding behind the church acting and playing the role that they are all good and screwing every man in the world that cant be found out by the member of their local church.

I agree that dating should not be the reason for anyone to go to church. But it also applies to friendships as well. If one does , it makes the friendship awkward and even calculated.

I became friends with someone when I was in high school, and was upfront about wanting to know what religion I was and if I wanted to go to church with her.

While it seemed okay at first, she as well as her mother was pressuring me to do things at their church, including joining.

That was a big mistake for me. The were too persistent about every single church activity and needing me to go to church when they wanted to go, which ironically, was not every Sunday.

I could never catch a break from their church talk or preaching. Long story short, our friendship did suffer because most of the time, my friend only wanted to have contact with me only if I went to church with her.

So, I will say that I would not want to date someone at church without knowing him for a great length of time.

Not many years, but long enough so that I know what his true values are, and what his personality and mannerism is like.

To me, the way a person conducts himself says a lot about the kind of Christian he is. I would want someone who walks the walk, not just talks the talk.

So, I would probably end up leaving that church if I dated someone and it ended badly, or to where there is not civility between us.

I think you are bit too demanding on your need to know a guy at church very well before accepting a date. If you treat guys as if they are predators, they will grow cold and disinterested very quickly, and permanently.

They can mainly be summed up by remembering that church is not a dating club. Women and men go to church to get closer to God, be respectful of that goal and treat women like fellow believers.

Her connection to you should not trump her connection to Jesus. Attended the services that were held each week.

Volunteer with the church ministries that are available. You can also ask your pastor or church leader to introduce you to a man at church.

You have several churches that encourage fellowship as a way of enlarging your church family and the church leader can be an instrument in developing new godly friendships.

You can suggest that you go out for coffee after church. You have several churches that have a coffee social hour after the service.

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